haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
