theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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