Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm jealous of your bromance
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
