Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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