On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
