kristin has been a bad kristin
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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