You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
