He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
