is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
