Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
