Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
