Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize