Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize