I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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