Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Randomize
