I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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