That's intense
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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