i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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