Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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