my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
