he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
