hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize