my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
