Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
honey bunches of taint.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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