Yo dont text me then not text me
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
