Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
