so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
