my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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