i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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