sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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