butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
