Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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