then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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