Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
