I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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