y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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