after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
