Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
