just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
