Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
