Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
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He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
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your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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