so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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