please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
