Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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