I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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