Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
