I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
