remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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