He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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