Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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