I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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