TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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