I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Four minutes until I can fart!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
