She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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