Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
