My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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