did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
