I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
