Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
