im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
