Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize