Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.