THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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