I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
